Inspiration Sunday: Anthony Holland

Image courtesy of the Dedham, MA Transcript

Everyone should read about Anthony Holland from Norwich, Connecticut. In one year, he's lost 163 pounds and he's done it through diet and exercise. At 35 years old and extremely morbidly obese, Anthony bought himself a present he knew he'd probably be using soon: his own gravestone.

Wow, that hit home for me. Before I started losing weight, when I was 315 pounds at 5'9'', I was convinced that I was dying. At least once a week, I'd start thinking about how I was going to have a heart attack and then suddenly would begin feeling chest pains. It was terrible. I went to the emergency room twice about it only to be told that my heart was fine and what I was feeling was probably indigestion.

I'd go to bed at night with my deadbolt undone, because I figured if I died during the night, the police and firemen wouldn't have to knock the door down. There were nights that I'd lay in bed and feel guilty that I was dying and my family would probably have to pay for an extra-large coffin. The vision of pallbearers struggling to get my coffin out of a hearse would make me tear up.

I know it was anxiety now, but then I was convinced I'd be dead before I turned 30.  I'd look at my parents and feel terrible for them knowing that they'd be devastated after losing a child.  Part of me knew it was all my fault, and the guilt made me eat more.  That vicious cycle crap is never a fun thing.

Then, on January 24, 2007, I realized that I needed to stop mourning my death that hadn't happened yet and do something to change my life.  It wasn't easy, but I did it.  Miraculously, my "heart attacks" went away, and until reading Anthony's story this morning, I completely forgot that there was a time in my life when I would go to sleep, convinced that I would never wake up.  That's no way to live, and I'm glad I changed.

I feel guilty about gaining 40 pounds back.  It feels like a failure and I'm embarassed by it.  But like Anthony, and like me in January of 2007, I can again take responsibility for my own life and stay on the road to a fit and healthy me.