A Situation is Revealed

I have a startling confession to make:  I am not very glamorous.

The problem is that I was born at exactly the wrong time.  By the time I was a teenager, the glorious big-banged halcyon days of the 80s were over, replaced with flannel shirts and grungy hair.  Wham! jitterbugged out of popularity to be replaced by Nirvana and Pearl Jam, although NEVER IN MY PLAYLIST, FELLAS!!!  The 90s were a boring time for teen fashion and hair and make-up and I'm sorry, but that's just not fair.

On a typical day, I look very much like this:

 And for a while, that was just fine with me.  But in the last few months I've discovered a train wreck show on MTV where glamor and fine fashion and poufy hair are celebrated and treasured along with good laundry skills, a healthy orange glow and hours spent pumping iron.  Yes, I am of course talking about "Jersey Shore."

The show filled me with jealousy and regret over my teens and early 20s.  I have never gone out and done flips on the dance floor, revealing my thong.  I've never worn a shirt that could also double as dental floss or a headband.  And worst of all, after hearing the word on the show, I actually had to google to find out the definition of "juice head."  My entire life, I discovered, was sheltered and tragically empty.

Then I decided that it wasn't too late.  I too could live for glamor!  With the modern marvels of make-up and a flat iron and maybe a teensy bit of bronzer, I transformed myself into a divine creature that Snooki, Situation and Sammi Sweetheart would be proud to call a friend.

The best part was that my hair seemed to naturally form into a pouf, like Snooki's, no Bump-It required! 

So far I haven't been in a fist fight or even a hot tub, and that's disappointing, but I have high hopes for what the future will bring.  Who knows?  Maybe someday I'll meet a juicehead gorilla to call my very own.  A girl can only dream!