I Got a New Attitude

I just discovered that taking progress pictures is not as easy as you'd think.  My condo just doesn't cooperate with long, full-body shots.  Maybe I should take that as a hint.  Oh also, note to self, maybe wait till you have on something a little more flattering than a sports bra and perhaps do something with hair and/or make up?  Just a thought.

Anyway, I didn't announce it but I just finished week 1 of my new "Here We Go Again" diet.  (Patent pending.  I'm looking at you, Nutrisystem).

 

(Dear Readers, please ignore 1980s tract lighting that looks like it belongs on the set of "Lost in Space."  Also ignore cable TV being spliced in through a very unobtrusive wire over my front door.  Thanks in advance, Me).

Anyway, here comes the navel-gazing.  I've done a lot of thinking this week about my weight loss journey.  It occurred to me that I have been on a diet since I was ten years old.  That's 21 years.  My dieting self could go out and get hammered on a Saturday night without needing a fake ID.  And you know what?  That's sad.

I think part of my problem with binge eating is that I consider certain foods taboo, even if I tell myself (and write about it to you guys) that I don't.  I'll eat healthy for a week and then crave chocolate, end up buying a box of cookies and eating them in one night.  It's almost like I have an attitude of "You're being bad!  Eat it quick!  Get rid of the evidence!"

I've talked before about how I'm a crazy pefectionist, so one day of doing this leads to me feeling miserable, eating more, saying "Eff it, I'm an adult and I can eat cookies WHENEVER I WANT, SO THERE!" and the cycle continues.

When I was losing weight fast two years ago, I graphed out my progress, averaged pounds lost per week, projected when I'd reach my goal weight and felt like crap if I deviated from that.  (Yes, I am a closet dork).  (I can literally hear my sisters snorting reading that... closet?  Okay, Tare Bear, denial ain't just a river in Egypt).  

Even now, I will lose 2 pounds in a week and think, "Well, next week I'll work out twice a day and only eat 1000 calories and by July I'll be at my goal weight, yay!!!"  Did I mention I'm also crazily, insanely competitive and I view "The Biggest Loser" contestants as rivals in some weird parallel universe?  Again, when I fail at this, which I inevitably do, I get hard on myself and start shoving fresh-baked bread down my throat without even really tasting it.  Coping skills, I do not have them.

SOOOOOO, the point is, I'm done with all that mapping and weighing servings and worrying about calories.  This week, I made a point to work out every day, but I also ate what I want.  Chipotle was involved, people.  Alcohol also reared its ugly yet socially lubricating head.  I did make a point to eat more fruit just because I ate a lot of it in Maine and remembered, "Gee, fruit is delicious!"  But other than that, I didn't eat a single diet food or fret about the calories involved in my pretzels and salsa or beat myself up about eating a serving and a half of Kashi Heart to Heart instead of just one serving.

Oh, also, and this is a big also, I gave up Diet Coke.  Done, gone, over.  And this is embarrassing to admit but that was basically all I drank.  I love it and it will always be my drug of choice, but I have severe acid reflux and really I just feel a whole lot better when I don't drink it.  So I am officially on the Diet Coke addict wagon.  

So the results?  I lost 2.8 lbs this week.  And yes, that felt great, but not obsessing over food felt even better.

The new plan is to continue what I mentioned above.  I'm only going to weigh myself once a week.  That's pretty huge because when I was dieting constantly I kept my scale outside my bathroom door and weighed myself every time I used the washroom.  Obsessions are not healthy, even if they are getting the fat off your ass.  You can quote me on that one.

I don't know if this will work, but I'm giving it a go.  And I'm no longer going to feel bad about gaining weight back.  I'm also no longer going to rest on the laurels of losing 100 pounds.  This is a fresh start and a new attitude so it deserves a whole new set of numbers.

Down 2.8 lbs.  And I'm not even going to graph that out.