Friday, February 5, 2010

Wii Fits

My sister Annie came over to try out Wii Fit.  It's a fitness game for the Wii that involves a balance board that measures your balance, along with your weight.  When you register your Mii, the little cartoon who represents you in the game, it does a series of fitness tests on you and then it tells you your Wii fitness age. 

First of all, I can't tell you how great it feels to have this little lady come out to represent me, based on my measurements:

It's difficult to see the perspective from this picture, but trust me when I say my Mii looks like a little fireplug.  Short, squat, fat little squinty eyes and not at all attractive or athletic-looking.  When Mii Taryn comes running out with the Mii's of the rest of my family and friends, you just know she's going to be picked last for the kickball team and will probably cry when she makes the last out in Little League.  Mii Taryn isn't exactly a world-shaker.

Anyway, Annie was extremely excited to try out the Wii Fit and find out her fitness age.  I had already gone through the balance test, endured the humiliation of being told by an animated balance board that I had poor posture and unsteady balance, but at the end found that my fitness age was 30.  All in all, I was happy with that, as I am 31 and have no plans to be in the Olympics anytime soon (a tough decision based on the disgusting rejection of Chicago for the host city in 2016.  Sorry, America, you can kiss your gold medal in the decathlon goodbye, I'm OUT!)  Annie is in much better shape than me and she's thin and works out pretty regularly.  Here's her Mii, the one in red towards the center of the line-up:

Mii Taryn is sleeping over there in the corner, either from narcolepsy or the strain of carrying around that massive squat body of hers.  Anyway, Annie cheerfully hopped on the balance board, went through the steps and anxiously awaited the unveiling of her fitness age.  And it was... 32.

"WHAT?!?!"  The devestation was apparent in her voice.  "32??!?!  I'm 29 years old!!  How is my Wii fit age older than you?"

I made a couple of jokes and teased her about her for a few minutes and then realized (as it always takes me a couple of seconds to do) that she was actually upset about this information.

"Annie, the video game says you're 32.  You're upset that Dr. Super Mario thinks you're out of shape?"  She wouldn't be consoled and I don't think she's gotten anywhere near Wii Fit since, although she's a gigantic fan of the new Super Mario Brothers game.

By the way, I wish I could offer a detailed review of Wii Fit, but I really only ever use it to play the balance board games.  That condescending animated balance board just gets to me though.  One night, while I was recovering from dental surgery and had a face that was swelled up like a watermelon, I signed on only to get "You're up late, TarynItUp.  Did you brush your teeth this evening?"  Enemies come in all shapes and sizes.

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