More and more Academy Award parties are erupting in violence every year. This growing problem really must end before someone gets killed.
In 2006, I was at an Oscar party at a friend's house and a disagreement arose. Alcohol may or may not have been a factor, and the argument turned into a shoving match, complete with demands to leave the home immediately and never come back. I was the designated driver that evening and the person who was asked to leave wanted a ride home. Being the class act that I am, rather than take one for the team and end the uncomfortable evening, I said, "It's almost Best Director." The whole party sat in awkward silence with the two injured parties glaring at each other from across the room for the next hour. Yes, it was uncomfortable but at least I saw "The Departed" win Best Picture! Priorities, people.
Then, last year, the violence turned against me. My sisters and a few friends were at my place, anxiously awaiting the Best Original Song announcement. I asked my sister Annie (who has always been secretly extremely jealous of me, if you want to know the truth) to hand me a Diet Coke. She proceeded to THROW THE DIET COKE DIRECTLY AT MY FACE. (I'll let you pause here to let out a theatrical gasp).
I apologize for the graphic and horrifying pictures, but this is real life and you can't hide from it.
Anyway, Annie CLAIMED she just stinks at throwing things, but we all know the truth: this was a premeditated act of Oscar Night Violence. I didn't press charges, although I think the stature of limitations might still allow me to do so. Perhaps a certain young lady should watch her back, if you know what I mean.
Please be careful this Oscar Night. One minute you might be eating onion dip and the next you might find yourself in a coma, beaten brutally by someone who is angry that "Up" didn't get Best Picture. You've been warned.