Friday, March 5, 2010

And the Award for Best Drama Goes to...

I haven't seen anything written about this subject, so feel free to consider this breaking news.

More and more Academy Award parties are erupting in violence every year.  This growing problem really must end before someone gets killed.

In 2006, I was at an Oscar party at a friend's house and a disagreement arose.  Alcohol may or may not have been a factor, and the argument turned into a shoving match, complete with demands to leave the home immediately and never come back.  I was the designated driver that evening and the person who was asked to leave wanted a ride home.  Being the class act that I am, rather than take one for the team and end the uncomfortable evening, I said, "It's almost Best Director."  The whole party sat in awkward silence with the two injured parties glaring at each other from across the room for the next hour.  Yes, it was uncomfortable but at least I saw "The Departed" win Best Picture!  Priorities, people.

Then, last year, the violence turned against me.  My sisters and a few friends were at my place, anxiously awaiting the Best Original Song announcement.  I asked my sister Annie (who has always been secretly extremely jealous of me, if you want to know the truth) to hand me a Diet Coke.  She proceeded to THROW THE DIET COKE DIRECTLY AT MY FACE.  (I'll let you pause here to let out a theatrical gasp).

I apologize for the graphic and horrifying pictures, but this is real life and you can't hide from it.  

Anyway, Annie CLAIMED she just stinks at throwing things, but we all know the truth:  this was a premeditated act of Oscar Night Violence.  I didn't press charges, although I think the stature of limitations might still allow me to do so.  Perhaps a certain young lady should watch her back, if you know what I mean.

Please be careful this Oscar Night.  One minute you might be eating onion dip and the next you might find yourself in a coma, beaten brutally by someone who is angry that "Up" didn't get Best Picture.  You've been warned.


  1. Can I PLEASE come to one of your Oscar parties?? LOL!

  2. This post is RIDDLED with inaccuracies. I attempted to toss a Diet Coke to you, using an underhanded motion. Perhaps I am stronger than I look. Jealous? I think not.

    In addition, just so your readers can have full disclosure, they should hear about the tweezers incident. My sister claims that she went to "poke" my leg with tweezers. She proceeded to plunge the razor-sharp tweezers through my pantleg directly into my calf muscle. There was blood, people. It make a squish sound when she pulled it out of my leg (which required some force).

    You be the judge: razor-sharp tweezers or Diet Coke can? Which is the more serious assault weapon? And as such, who is the worst sister?

  3. Patty, only if you sign a release prior to the party!

    Annie, please produce pictures and/or witnesses.

  4. You two are awesome! Will you adopt me into your family? LOL

  5. It's that lethal pre-ceremony combination of Joan Rivers and Ryan Seacrest. It can bring out the worst in a freakin' nun.

  6. Kate, I just mentally imagined what their children would be like. I wish I didn't.

  7. You two are awesome! Will you adopt me into your family? LOL

  8. Can I PLEASE come to one of your Oscar parties?? LOL!