Goin' to the Chapel

A few months ago, I got a text from my cousin Bizzy.  "Aren't you able to perform weddings?"

It took me a few minutes to figure out what she was talking about.  Years ago, on a slow night at my old job, I heard someone on the radio talking about the Universal Life Church.  They talked about how you could become a minister for free online.  I figured that could look great on a resume so I signed myself right up.  There are very few free things that I would turn away.

When I got that text from Biz, I had forgotten all about that, but she had not.  She asked me to officiate her wedding as a Universal Life minister.  Of course, I was unbelievably honored and I agreed right away.  I decided that I'd better order my ordination certificate online, just to add an air of respectability to the whole thing.  A few weeks later, this came in the mail:

Check out that date of ordination- I've been a minister since 2001 and this was the first time I've actually used this title!  Shocking and upsetting.  By the way, check out this list of my fellow Universal Life ministers.  Yes, Wavy Gravy, Tori Spelling AND Jeff Probst.  Who wouldn't sign up for free to be in that kind of company?

A few days before the wedding, I started to think carefully about the task that lay before me.  I don't exactly have the best track record for, um, behaving like a minister at weddings.  Examples:

(I did blank out my partners-in-crimes' faces in the pictures.  Just because I am publicly humiliating myself doesn't mean I want to drag everyone else I know down with me!)

(Oh, also, that picture of me in the green dress reminds me of that scene in "Steel Magnolias" where Dolly Parton talks about how some woman should be wearing a girdle and that it looked like two pigs were fighting under her dress).

(Also, I can just hear my mother sighing when she sees the above pictures.  Sorry, Mom.  She tells me three times a month that she wishes I would develop "filters" and I am guessing this would fall under those).

Anyway, I decided I needed to be a little more low-key and respectable since I was going to be the one actually marrying Bizzy and Mike.  Shopping for a dress that made me look like I had the authority of the Lord inside of me was also interesting, but I think I pulled it off pretty well.

The wedding was beautiful.  Bizzy and I grew up together and I feel like she is one of my sisters, and her new husband is a smart ass who fits right into our family.  Bizzy looked stunning, like a supermodel.  I'm not even exaggerating or kissing up to my cousin; she took my breath away.  I'll post pictures when I get them, with the permission of the bride (although she is sensibly much more private than me) but take my word for it, she was gorgeous.  There were only a few people there but you could feel the love and support for Bizzy and Mike just radiating off of everyone in the room.  I truly felt lucky to be there and to play a part in joining the two of them together for life.

I think I did a pretty good job.  I read the word "lover" two or three times without giggling uncontrollably, a major accomplishment.  Standing up there in front of a couple who were pledging to love each other for the rest of their lives was very powerful for me.  Pronouncing them husband and wife felt surreal, but honestly, it was one of the happiest moments of my life.  I love them both so much and really do wish them all the happiness in the world.

It was such an honor and a privilege to be able to officiate, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat (although hopefully not for either Bizzy or Mike!)