Cat Scratch Fever

 Coop checking out a visiting kitten a few years ago

Last night, I went to my friend Bob's house to watch "American Idol." Admitting that is getting much easier.  I can see why Alcoholics Anonymous has their members admit out loud they are alcoholics every week.  Anyway, we had pizza and salad and half-watched the contestants butcher Elvis songs and counted the minutes until "Glee."  I love Sue Sylvester and I would probably think about joining the cheerleading squad if I were a student at that school, although I doubt that she'd have me what with my girth and lack of any kind of coordination.

Bob owns the world's sweetest cat, Chloe.  I have never owned cats, although I did steal a kitten briefly from my next door neighbors when I was seven.  In the past, I have encountered cats who hiss and scratch and even bite, so I usually keep my distance.  Chloe is not like these evil cats and I spent most of the night petting her and holding her in my arms.  Bob told me she liked to be held like a baby, so I threw her over my shoulder like I was burping her and rubbed her head while she purred.  I might have thought about stealing her.  We really bonded.

On the ride home, I noticed that my eyes were itchy.  By the time I got to my apartment, I had hives all over my face and my throat was scratchy.  I panicked a little because the last time I had an allergic reaction it was to penicillin and I ended up passing out in the public bathroom at my college after my throat closed up.  It was a scary experience, but it was also the closest I came to having wild and crazy "I passed out after a night of drinking" stories in college, so I cherish that memory.

I took a shower and then took two Benadryl and walked the dog.  When I came back, I noticed my eyes were starting to swell shut.  Yikes.  I took two more Benadryl, crossed my fingers and hoped for the best and passed out in bed.  Luckily, I woke up after twelve hours of sleep no longer looking like Augustus Gloop from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."  See, who says you need one of them fancy medical degrees to solve health problems?  Overdose on Benadryl and hope you don't wet the bed, problem solved.

So I guess I am allergic to cats.  The best part is that on the way to Bob's house one of my neighbors called me and asked me to watch his cat.  For two weeks.  And I said yes. I sure hope they sell Benadryl in bulk at Costco.  And maybe adult diapers, just to be on the safe side.