The Pain and the Great One

Monday afternoon, I worked out with my beloved friend and dictator, Jackie Mosure.  Yes, yes I know!  Shock of shocks, I actually worked out!  Alert the media!  Anyway, I have a feeling that if I hadn't left after an hour, Jackie might have murdered me and shoved my body deep in her attic because I was not a very marvelous client this time.  Not at all.

So I pulled a muscle in my back two weeks ago.  Obviously, I did this in some sort of athletic Ironman event and not bending down to pick up a bobby pin.  If you heard that, it's a vicious lie.  Anyway, my back is better now but I am still really gun-shy about doing anything to reinjure it.  Jackie kept telling me to do stuff and I'd say, over and over, "Okay, but is that going to hurt my back?"  She'd very patiently say no.  Repeat and repeat and repeat.  It was a fun hour.  I watched grey hairs appear spontaneously on Jackie's head.

Of course, she is a professional and my back feels fine today.  My thighs and ass?  Not so much.  Yeow. Still, no pain no loss, right?  This should serve as motivation to not laze around watching Madonna videos on the internet so much and instead get off my butt and hit the gym more often.

I'll tell you what, though, nothing makes me feel more like a lumbering Shrek-like ogre than having to do any sort of step aerobics type move.  There is always part of me that wonders if Jackie is secretly taping it for YouTube fame and fortune.  Also, it is just a matter of physics that, even with the world's most supportive titanium sports bra, my breasts are just too, um, ample not to bounce around like water balloons at a company picnic.  I am afraid when I'm jumping around on the step that I am going to either get a black eye or knock myself out.  I'd like to avoid that if all possible, but still Jackie insists I jump around like an elephant in a circus ballet.  I think she may just be sadistic, but she swears it's good for me, so we'll see.  I'm still searching YouTube for any rogue video she may have released.  My mom didn't raise no dummy.