"Pleading Guilty" to Being Nutty as a Fruitcake

Oh what an exciting day we have had on my sleepy little block!  Pleading Guilty, a Fox pilot, was here filming all day.  I set out to check out the scene, and I admit in the back of my head I had visions of being discovered, given a guest spot that turned into a regular supporting character that turned into a starring role that turned into an Emmy that eventually turned into an Oscar that turned into my boyfriend cheating on me with an apparent Nazi with tattoos on her forehead.  Hey, a woman can dream, can't she?

In this picture you can see both my building AND my car.  Please don't think I am bragging, but I do drive a 2000 Pontiac Grand Am, a choice ride in mint condition with only 150,000 miles on it.  Auto thieves, if you would like to steal it, please contact me and I will give you detailed information on where it's parked.  Thank you in advance.  Anyway, that gigantic piece of orange machinery with lights on it is not usually parked in front of my building, so that was the first clue that something big was happening.

Further down the block, I saw this:

Apparently they were filming some sort of indoor scene.  A bunch of my neighbors gathered across the street and watched, trying to maintain their excitement over a scene that was not exactly edge-of-your-seat thrilling.

I seriously can't believe I've never written about how my dog is insane.  You know all about my tummy tuck and my sister's sexual preferences but somehow this never came up?  I've been holding out on you.  So Cooper was adopted from the Animal Control center in Chicago.  Several weeks after I brought him home, there was an investigation that revealed that some workers had been power washing the dog cages... with the dogs in them.  I'd like to blame Cooper's nuttiness on that, but the fact is that in the first two years of his life, he was hit by a car, almost drowned twice in my parents' old pool, and hit the windshield during a car accident in which my car was totaled.  Please don't inform PETA.  I think I am a better dog owner now, plus it's good I'm getting all of this negligence out of my system now just in case I ever have kids.

So yeah, Coop is justifiably pretty nuts.  He is very skittish and shy around new people.  In fact, if you come and visit me, the rules are you have to sit down on the couch and ignore Cooper completely while he runs around shaking violently at your presence in our home.  Eventually he will come over to you but it has to be on his terms, no forcing the issue.  Once he warms up, he is fine, but with certain guys, this has taken him months.  He is a fun party guest, you can only imagine.

On the surface he looks like a normal dog.  That's why I didn't think anything of it when a 6'6'' police officer came up to me and asked if my dog was friendly.  "Ummmm," I answered, looking down at my little mental patient.  Before waiting for my answer, the cop looked at Cooper and said, "Hi puppy."  That was all it took.  Cooper's eyes widened and his tail went instantly between his legs.  He slowly began backing up away from the officer and when he reached the end of his leash, he panicked.  Dropping to the ground, he started flopping around like a fish, trying to escape the evil gigantic man who just wanted to say hello.  The guy looked at me like I was a complete wackadoodle for allowing this crazy dog to reside in my home and I mumbled something about over-stimulation and not being himself.  

I ended up having to practically carry my sixty pound bundle of nerves home.  We'd walk about three feet and he'd stop, sit down and shake uncontrollably for a few minutes before being steady enough to continue on.  All of the workers on the set and the lookie-loos really enjoyed the show.  We finally reached my house and I gave him one of the emergency doggy downers that my vet prescribed for him.  Yes, my dog is on anti-anxiety meds.  All of my Chicago cousins are nodding knowingly at the screen right now because their suspicions of me being a secret yuppie because I live in my neighborhood have been confirmed.  You're welcome, guys.

So to make a long story short, I did not get discovered yesterday and John Larroquette and I are not getting married.  I didn't even get a peek at the character of Brushy, but when I got home and looked at myself in the mirror, I looked frazzled and unkempt, just like I'd imagine someone named Brushy would be.  Maybe my Hollywood dreams are not dead quite yet.