Breaking news from the land of duh, obese children are more likely to be bullied in school than their thinner peers. I just about fell over with shock when I read that article. Fat kids as targets for insults and jokes? Unheard of! What's next, CNN will report that grass is green?
This weekend I was looking at dresses at Target and a woman began browsing through clothes on the other side of the rack. Her daughter, about eight years old, came up behind her and said, "Yeah, mom, that dress would look good on you... if you weren't so FAT." Startled, I looked up and made eye contact with the woman and smiled, as in "Whoa, sometimes kids say the darndest things." She looked away without smiling back. Did I mention the woman was maybe a size 4? Her little darling continued to berate her about her weight and about how she was lazy and needed to exercise. Then the kid looked up and saw me watching out of the corner of my eye. She seriously gave me the meanest most judgmental look ever and did one of those dismissive little half-chuckles that bullies used to do in 80s movies. I resisted the urge to point out her unibrow and moved on with my life. I've said it before, I'm not really a nice person.
My point is that unless this kid is the 2010 version of The Bad Seed, she didn't arrive at this lovely attitude about obesity on her own. She had to have heard this at home. I felt so terrible for the mother that either she spent time berating her own body in front of her daughter or had to put up with a husband or another family member making her feel bad about herself. I also worried that the woman didn't try to silence her daughter from spitting these comments out in front of me. Maybe she was just embarrassed, but there's a part of me that wonders if she really saw nothing wrong with her eight-year-old calling her fat and questioning her fashion sense.
My cousin Jamie is my goddaughter and there are few people in the world I love more than her. A few years ago, while undoubtedly fishing for compliments, I remarked on how fat I was at some family gathering. Everyone immediately jumped in to reassure me how great I looked. I saw Jamie standing there, picking up this negative, body-obsessed attitude and it made me ashamed of myself. Yeah, I have issues with my body, but there's no reason for me to share those with her. Love of musicals and sushi, yes; hatred of thighs, not so much.
Since then, I've tried to make a point to not be negative about weight around younger people. I wear a bathing suit at family swimming parties, even though I sometimes worry someone will call the Coast Guard and report a beached whale at the swimming pool. I keep my body quibbles quiet. Even after losing so much weight and having younger family members point it out, I've always tried to stress that I was just fine and dandy when I was super obese and that this new thinner me isn't better, it's just different. I'm not sure any of this is working but it keeps me with a self-satisfied little liberal smile on my face and so far they haven't made me return my Women's Studies minor, so I suppose that's something.
I don't ever pretend to know what it's like to be a parent. Don't you just hate single childless people who are experts on everything they've never experienced? I do know, though, that it's not fair to shove your insecurity issues down your children's throats, because all you'll do is create a new generation of kids who see fat as a statement of character instead of just a body type. That's how little bullies are made. Unless having your offspring horrify strangers at Target is somehow desirable, I would guess most parents want to avoid raising kids who could star in a sequel to "Mean Girls."
Nice post! I used to babysit for a girl who would always ask me things like, "Where did you get your shirt from?" and "Do you have a boyfriend?" I was almost embarrassed to tell this second grader that my shirt was from Kohls and that, unlike some of the more popular 8th grade girls, I did not have a boyfriend. Anyway, her mom would look horrified that her daughter was asking such shallow questions and putting me on the spot. Yet, this particular mother only dressed her children in name brand clothing. How could she wonder where her daughter developed such a snobby attitude? The same child also told me once that she did not like a particular kid in her class because the girl did not have as many toys as her. Ugh. I tried to tell her that the amount of toys you owned did not make you better than anyone. I don't think she was convinced.
ReplyDeleteI thought the same thing when I saw the article - ya think?! Wondered how much grant money was spent on that study.
ReplyDeleteLike you said - raising up a crop of mean girls who think their only value is in looking good/perfect. A group of men who think that real breasts look funny because they don't appear like two cantaloupes stuck on a bony chest.
Good point about being more aware of what we say. I need to keep that in mind.
If I had even entertained so much as a tiny inkling of talking to my mother that way, I would've been disciplined by her AND my dad. Yep, we got spanked, but guess what - none of us became serial killers.
There's something to be said for R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
That poor woman needs to get her some, her daughter's already on the road to growing up feeling worthless.
I saw the headline on that article and thought "Hrmmm.....I didn't realize I was on the Onion!"
ReplyDeleteI don't think that berating someone for being overweight is a productive way to combat the problem, and I don't really understand why people do it. Is it a power thing? An insecurity thing? I've never really understood it, honestly.
hi! so you have a minor in womens studies, huh? how did that go for you? I am thinking about minoring in it as well, along with my double major that is way too complex for me to go into at the moment. i took one womens studies class for an elective and really enjoyed it. im just wondering how many extra classes ill have to take and if it will be worth it. :]
ReplyDeleteJessie, I really loved my WS minor. It ended up being a happy accident because a lot of my credits from my first college, which was an all-female school, transferred as WS credits. I loved it though, and I think it made me a less judgmental thinker.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I never use it in my career at all. I don't use my English degree or my writing minor either. Very few of my friends use their degrees in their careers either.
I can tell you I loved it and I learned a lot about gender issues, and it definitely made me more open-minded. I don't think it was a lot of classes either, but I loved every one!
What is your double major?? Very impressive! You school-smart people make us slackers look bad ;)
Meg, Kim and Kim, I am glad we are all on the same anti-mini-bullies team.
ReplyDeleteI agree about the mom needing to step up too. My mom would have murdered me if I did that to her, not because of comments about her weight but because a poor random fat lady overheard them :) I hope the whole thing was a wake up call to the lady in Target. In my happy, rose-colored world, it definitely was.
well my double major is: spanish and Foreign Language and International Trade (FLIT). I could only major in FLIT and take some spanish classes but my passion is the spanish language so i've always known i wanted to make it my major. and for the second major, i basically take some business classes (accounting, economics, etc etc) and go into any field really. i'm thinking about specializing in human resources management since just about every company has a human resources department. still not too sure yet...
ReplyDeleteMeg, Kim and Kim, I am glad we are all on the same anti-mini-bullies team.
ReplyDeleteI agree about the mom needing to step up too. My mom would have murdered me if I did that to her, not because of comments about her weight but because a poor random fat lady overheard them :) I hope the whole thing was a wake up call to the lady in Target. In my happy, rose-colored world, it definitely was.
Nice post! I used to babysit for a girl who would always ask me things like, "Where did you get your shirt from?" and "Do you have a boyfriend?" I was almost embarrassed to tell this second grader that my shirt was from Kohls and that, unlike some of the more popular 8th grade girls, I did not have a boyfriend. Anyway, her mom would look horrified that her daughter was asking such shallow questions and putting me on the spot. Yet, this particular mother only dressed her children in name brand clothing. How could she wonder where her daughter developed such a snobby attitude? The same child also told me once that she did not like a particular kid in her class because the girl did not have as many toys as her. Ugh. I tried to tell her that the amount of toys you owned did not make you better than anyone. I don't think she was convinced.
ReplyDelete