Hey Kerry, It's Your Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my lovely sister Kerry, who has been letting me sleep in her bed for three months.


When she was almost two, I was running down our block pushing Kerry in her stroller. I hit a bump and flipped her out onto the cement. She landed on her forehead and had a bump like a unicorn. I'm pretty sure it did brain damage but luckily I love her anyway.

Happy 26th!

The Elephant in the Room

This morning, while I was eating my delicious oatmeal, I stared out onto my parents' lovely yard and got to thinking.







"Mom," I asked, since she is the only adult in the house (despite Kerry, 25, and my dad, 65, living there as well) "Can I plant some oats in the backyard?"

"Hmmm," answered my lovely mother, not looking up from the newspaper.

More information was obviously needed. I did some googling and discovered I could plant 100 square feet of oats with $1.99 worth of seed. I carefully explained this to my mother.

"It also says that oats make good compost and terrific animal feed," I chirped brightly. She still didn't look up and I have to say her lack of excitement was a little deflating.

Then I began thinking about oats being good animal feed and back to Google I went. This time I decided to ask my dad, who is not a real adult but who is a much softer touch than Mean Mary Jeanne, my mother.

"Hey Dad, if we plant oats in the backyard to feed it, can I get a baby elephant? There is one for sale in Kuwait for only 10000 Kuwaiti dollars. And it's really cute."







He seemed a little bit on the fence. I think picking up Cooper's poop for three months is getting to him and I am sure he was imagining the gifts that Bob the elephant would leave behind.

In researching further, I found that 10000 Kuwaiti dollars is $35,000 American dollars. That's pretty steep, and I'm sure they'd screw me on the shipping also. I am not entirely sure that buying an elephant from Kuwait wouldn't be some sort of delicate international faux pas also, and I don't have any desire to be held in Guantanamo Bay. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

By the way, when I went outside to take the picture of the yard, I saw this on the back porch.






There really are no words.

In exciting health news, I now have crutches and more physical therapy and a new sprained muscle group. By the time this whole things runs its course, I'm going to need my elephant to get me around. DID YOU HEAR THAT, MOM AND DAD?????

Bedlam and Broomsticks

Internet people, I will honestly not be offended if you all abandon this blog for a few weeks and come back when it's a trifle more exciting. It's very difficult to figure out something entertaining to write about when I spend the majority of my time propped up on the couch and loaded up on muscle relaxers and painkillers.

For starters, this Friday night I spent a few hours making this video.

Then my dad and I watched "Breaking Away," and I sat and thought for a while. My fifteen year high school reunion was Saturday evening and unfortunately I could not attend. It is pretty frightening when you are sidelined by a bad hip when you're fifteen years out of high school. By my fiftieth, I'll probably have to Skype in live from my nursing home. Sunrise, sunset.

On Sunday, my sister Annie and beloved goddaughter Jamie Cakes came over. I had a contest with myself to see how many inappropriate song lyrics I could sing in front of my mom without her flipping out. She finally caught me when I sang Nelly's classic "It Wasn't Me," specifically the part about being butt naked banging on the bathroom floor. My mom's eyes grew wide and she very seriously threatened to take me to see a priest, I am presuming for an exorcism. That was the first time in many years she threatened me with divine intervention, so it felt a little like a victory.

Oh, and beautiful baby Mick stopped by Sunday. Feel free to ooh and ahhhh.




He is ten months old and walks better than me.

Today I have exciting physical therapy and then tomorrow I see the physiatrist again to get results from blood work and xrays I had last week. Hopefully he will figure out why the hell my back and hip keep dislocating. If not, I am going to start googling leg transplants because this is getting a little bit out of hand.

Black Swan

• Yes, I am bored.  Cooper now knows more tricks than any dog I have ever known:  sit, lay down, shake, wave, crawl, sing, play dead, roll over and now dance.  He's smarter than he looks, apparently.
• Six more weeks of rehab!!!  At least!!!  I'm thrilled!!!