Monday, October 31, 2011

Scary Scary

You know that scene in "The Shining" when Wendy finally looks at the manuscipt that Jack has been working so hard on and discovers that he has just been typing "All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy" over and over again for hundreds and hundreds of pages?  Scary, right?  That's exactly how I feel when I look at my ever growing gallery of paint-by-number masterpieces.



Yikes!  Scary scary.  I am the most prolific Paint-By-Numberer in the entire world, I think.

I do like the new one though.


And, because my mom and my art major sister insisted that I try some original painting, here is my only non-numbered piece.  It started out as a tree.


My mom is humoring me.


And, because he is much cuter than my "artwork," Cooper would like to wish you all a Happy Halloween!



Thursday, October 13, 2011

Points to Ponder (or Ignore)


  • I just came THISCLOSE to driving into the service pit at Jiffy Lube.  Seriously, all the color drained out of the mechanic's face.  He was directing me to go left, but it sure looked like he pointed right to me.  Wouldn't that have been fun?  I am sure it would have made the local news, and I am having a good hair day.
  • Extra karma points:  It was Kerry's car.  Aren't I the BEST sister?
  • I am off bed rest and loving my exciting life.  Right now I'm at the library.  Earlier it was McDonald's.  I'm also on my fourth paint by number.   I am sure my future biographer will find this information extremely vital
  • Yesterday I officially moved out of my condo and I now legally live with my parents.  I'm living the dream right now!  Bittersweet to say goodbye to the place I have lived for almost nine years, but I'm excited about my new house, if the bank ever gets around to approving my offer.
  • My sister Annie is in Hawaii right now and I hate her.
  • My little cousins stayed with us last weekend.  I went into the bathroom for five minutes and came out like this:

  • I call it Surprise Clown.  It was a big hit.  Only a little bit of psychological trauma imposed on the children.
  • I was inspired to try face painting by my friend Stacia.  She may be a little better than me. 
  • It also works great to do it on Facetime.  My goddaughter was very surprised.
  • My lovely mom turned 60.  She threatened to go to the Extreme Skateboarding Park on the day before to celebrate her last day in her 50's.  She did not.  I am pleased because I need her to wait on me.
  • I wish I didn't need her to wait on me.
  • Little Cousin Julie, the baby of my 32 first cousins on my mom's side, turned 12 last weekend.  She got a cell phone and was very excited about it.  They went out to dinner and she went to the bathroom.  While she was gone, her brother's phone buzzed at the table.  It was a text from Julie.  "Hey."  
  • My surgery is schedule for November 18th, which is a lot better than the original date of December 22nd.  Five more weeks and I can be recovering from something instead of just stagnating, hurray!
  • Why do crazy people hang out in libraries so much?  Come on, scientists.  Abandon cancer research and figure this out.
  • No, I'm not talking about me.  

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Fashion Plate Barbie Goes to the Doctor

Right before my appointment with the hip surgeon yesterday, my mom and I were at my condo packing some stuff up for the big move next week.  I ignored my mom's pleas to sit down and relax and allow her pack stuff and I reached up onto a high kitchen shelf for a bottle of vinegar.  OF COURSE the shelf came crashing down and two bottles of vinegar shattered all over the counter, the floor and my body.  

It was 1:17 and we had to be at the doctor in twenty minutes.  It was fifteen minutes away.  Oh, also I had no clothes at my condo and was covered from head to toe in vinegar, and of course it was saturated completely around my right hip, because I really am just lucky like that.  I changed into the only clothes I had: plaid fleece snow pants and a fleece zip up jacket.  It was 75 degrees outside and trust me, the outfit drew some looks.  And of course my mom had to point it out to the doctor and his assistants and tell them the whole story.  

Did I mention I wrecked my shoes in the vinegar incident and was wearing blue Crocs?  If Stacy and Clinton were filming yesterday I will absolutely be starring in a Very Special Episode of "What Not to Wear."

So, we got some bad news.  Even after four weeks of bed rest, my hip is not healing correctly.  One tendon is torn from my hip bone and a second tendon is torn inside of that tendon, just to be mean.  There is a lack of blood flow to the inner tendon and that may be standing in the way of the healing process.  I have to have surgery, dum dum dummmm.  

Good news:  it is arthroscopic and I'll be able to be discharged that day.  

Bad news:  the recovery is a bitch and involves six weeks in a hip brace and several months of rehab and bed rest.  More bad news: my doctor can't do the surgery until December, so my big escape to Florida is now in jeopardy, which stinks.

I was pretty disappointed that all the other treatments didn't work and that I have laid around for months and months doing nothing for no reason.  Also it's not fun to be in pain constantly.  Today I heard a story that put it all in perspective for me, though.

A middle aged woman went to her doctor for some test results.  He came into the exam room and said, "I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but you're dying."

The lady was shocked.  "What?  Dying?  Are you sure?  How much time do I have left?"

The doctor nodded sadly and said, "Ten."

"Ten?  Ten years?  Ten months?  Ten what?"

"Nine... eight..." the doctor replied.